


I'm Still Here

by DrPaine



Series: The Lapidot Archives [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Dissociation, F/F, It kinda gets into both of those, mostly Lapis centric but it's got a heavy lapidot inspiration/leaning, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:19:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4364567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrPaine/pseuds/DrPaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's hard to remember, exactly where and what you are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Still Here

 

> _Push and pull, against the tides and the moon.  
>  _
> 
> _This, a game she discovered millennia ago, transforming a humble messenger into a force even the Authority might fear._

But she still prefers it to be a game, the pull keeping her pulled to _now_ , to here where she is free. She holds the water around her hands and arms, the pressure gentle– sometimes it’s like a vice, so strong she wonders if her form will be able to bear it or if she’ll crack, shatter _no no **destabilize** is the word for this in her state_ –

Destabilize and fall into the sea, lost and alone again perhaps to be swallowed up by some creature or _that_ is when she would crack again, shatter and be gone like they tried once before.

Pain brings her back, stabbing cold tight around her ankles where she has frozen the sea, a circle some feet across in all directions, sharp peaks gleaming in what dim light the thin moon gives. She releases the water about her arms and thaws the ice, stepping to rest once again on the surface.

She does not look down.

Lapis knows it’s too dark for any reflections, but the idea of them is enough to chill her, to keep her eyes locked firmly on the shore as she walks, the surface glassy and still where she touches.

Is it, though?

She had walked over oceans before, showed it time and again when asked ‘who are you’. She had seen the moon, showed it when demanded. Seen so very much from behind the glass and sometimes tricked herself into thinking she  _experienced_ it as well, pulling fragments of memory into something she wanted to be real, believed so hard she thought it _was_ … until she tried to call out and went unheard for a day a week year centuries and longer until

She stumbles as the sea suddenly gives way to sand, cries out as she tries to catch herself and finds only empty air, empty–

No.

Lapis catches herself against something

someone

detached fingers against her shoulders and she almost panics at the touch, at being held and trapped but she isn’t.

Peridot pulls immediately away and Lapis looks up to see

herself

Her reflection in the visor, wide-eyed but they’re blue and not glass, blue and full of fear and tears and

_“What’s wrong?”_

Lapis crumples to her knees. She tries to speak but words don’t come, how can they how can she form anything from two words, even the syllables, the letters the sounds are too few to say even half of what she wants.

Peridot kneels in front of her.

 _“Do you mind?”_ _These episodes are nothing new after all, Peridot learned the first time, **do not touch** without permission_

Lapis looks up, this time seeing only Peridot’s eyes

And she finds herself clinging, desperate for something solid and unshifting, unmoving unyielding and the other gem is the only thing that fits and she thinks to apologize.

The words still won’t come, she’s still too stuck trying to repeat the sounds, pull them into something she can use. But she feels, dimly, smooth metal against her sides and then, against her gem that distinct detached weight.

She tenses, expecting pain, to feel herself splinter and fade– but it is not there. Instead there is something almost… comforting about it. A touch against her gem that reminds her that she is free, she is whole. More importantly, _she is not alone_ and she finally finds words:

“ _Thank you."_


End file.
